Disney Porno

You know when you go home to where you went to school, and you end up bumping into a few people who you had the pleasure of attending school with, they all ask you the same question, 'what you doing now then?'. My mate nick, thought he would liven up this normally dull conversation procedure by claiming that he was a porn star. Infact it seem to work remarkable well, guys greeted the revelation with, 'you lucky bastard', girls with 'ooeeerr...REALLY?', all in all this was generally a better start to the conversation than, 'yeah i'm still working at mcdonalds'.

i'm not sure nick would still want to be a porn star now that porn producers and directors, in fear of the bush adminstration, are introducing the following new self imposed guidelines:

No material that depicts a female model who appears to be suffering "unhappiness or pain, or degradation."

Food can no longer be used as a sexual object.

No blindfolds.

No wax-dripping.

No sex in a coffin.

No urinating on camera, unless it is done "in a natural setting" such as a field or roadside.

No male/male penetration can be shown.

No bisexual encounters, or scenes involving transsexuals.


Seems like being in porn star is just not what it used to be...

posted by stu 12:41 PM | +

27.2.01

Corporate strategy

I've read a book called corporate strategy, does that make me a strategist...unfortunately not, i've never composed a corporate anthem, but there are people out there doing it and calling it our vision of global strategy.

posted by stu 2:26 PM | +

26.2.01

Txt me baby

Its a matter of time before someone does something cool with the phenomen that is text messaging. Tony Blair and the Labour party appear to be attempting to do something with Txt For Labour, only I'm not sure what...

posted by stu 1:05 PM | +

23.2.01

Swallow your words

This amused me (its a bit slow, but worth it). It reminds me of a story I heard when I was at University. The story ran that during some biology lecture, the class were taking swabs from the inside of their mouths and examining them under a microscope. Don't ask me why, I've know idea about biology. Anyway one girl had wierd looking cells under the microscope, the lecturer couldn't say what was wrong, so the sample was sent off to the lab.

The cells came back identified as sperm.

I suspect that is an urban myth, but it was widely recounted and caused much entertainment at the time.

posted by stu 12:47 PM | +

22.2.01

Sonic boom boy

This is sound. Drop some sound bombs, drag them around and get different tones, rhythms. I like the way it attempts to be something interactive, so what you hear is dependent on who else is around, where you go, and what others are doing.

posted by stu 5:57 PM | +

21.2.01

Mr. Bennett

You may recall a while back that I stumbled across tony hart's site. Encouraged by tony's forray into the web, I wondered if Rob of tsluts would send him one of his artistic pictures. Rob got an email back from tony, but unfortunately he could not expand on the whereabouts of Mr. Bennett, infact rather rashly labelled him as an actor. It seems that actually Colin Bennett has a whole host of writing, producing, and acting credits to his name.

I've dropped tony an email and hopefully he'll find the information of some use...

update

I just received the following email from tony's business associate:

'Super, Stuart. I will pass the print-out of the web page to Tony. He will be delighted to read about Mr Bennett, because he has lost touch with him in the years that have passed.

I have told Tony of your information (he wont touch a computer himself) on the telephone, and he asked me to send you his thanks and best wishes.

All the best

Roc Renals'

posted by stu 1:11 PM | +

I came to crave your spastic touch

Pavement were the best band, now sadly defunct, but fear not, the first solo album by stephen malkmus is dead good. I'd read here and there that it was called 'swedish reggae', but apparently malkmus was forced to change the title to the rather imaginative 'stephen malkmus' by the record company because they thought it would get filed under reggae or world music...er right.

posted by stu 10:30 AM | +

20.2.01

Mr. Madonna

Belatedly joined the widescreen revolution, and took delivery of a new widescreen tv last night. Decided to celebrate this latest improvement in my home entertainment system by renting out snatch dvd.

Funny thing being that when we moved into London in 1999, we lived with my friends, the paragons, renting a room from them. One saturday morning we were awoken to all kinds of commotion from the street, took a look outside the window and there was a film crew at work. Popped out for a paper and walked past Guy Ritchie, stopped for a chat with a member of the crew, who said it was the follow up to Two Smoking Barrels. Oh nice I thought, didn't think much of it after that. Then watching the film last night realised that 20% of the film was set down the end of the road and in the pub on the corner. Er, not that it makes much difference, the film itself is top quality entertainment.

posted by stu 2:42 PM | +

19.2.01

10 things I hate about you

Read with interest the need to know this week. I first found Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About last August. I found it searching for information on German women before I got married to one! It made me laugh, glad to see he hasn't lost his sense of humour, despite the Mail on Sunday ripping off his content.

posted by stu 1:09 PM | +

15.2.01

Saving face

Who remembers Dirk Benedict? Yeah! Face from the A-Team, but I prefered him as Starbuck from Battlestar Gallactica, anyway why not buy one his photos off him for a mere $20... Bargain.

posted by stu 9:49 AM | +

13.2.01

Screen Icon

Now this looks like a good way to have a link page, just create visual map of icons and lay those icons in a place that is appropriate.

posted by stu 5:25 PM | +

9.2.01

Arty sex? sexy art?

Digital cameras are the polariod cameras for the new millenium. Lets be honest who owned a polariod camera for any other reason than to take naughty snaps of the missus, so bring on the digital revolution, and if Natacha Merritt wants to publish hers in a book, or on a website, even better.

posted by stu 5:45 PM | +

hmmmyeah

I'm wearing my headphones and I'm chilling to the sounds on safeplaces.net

posted by stu 12:00 PM | +

7.2.01

SEX

um, yeah the Annabel Chong story, saw it last weekend, bit gruesome, bizarre feminist claims for sleeping with 251 blokes in one session made her seem a slightly sad deluded woman, just my type infact...er no. Anyway see for yourself at annabel-chong.com

posted by stu 6:34 PM | +

6.2.01

Cliff Richard

Well, take a look at her hair, it’s real
If you don’t believe what I say, just feel
Gonna lock her up in a trunk
So no big hunk can steal her away from me

Could Cliff have been singing about a silicon real doll?

posted by stu 6:13 PM | +

5.2.01

Origins

Fatskier was actually the name of one of the early bands that I had, a re-incarnation of the late but great Hangman Jury. We were 18, with dreams of greater things. We even had the obligatory rock star names. I was Thirsty Wildblood, Nick was Boogie Rattlesnake, Bod was Bod, Ju was Ju, and on drums Dodge.

Anyway we had a gig at the school. We played there before and felt like rock gods.

In preparation for this gig we had one last rehearsal at my girlfriends mothers house. She let us practice in her garage as a one off. Only thing being that she ran a special needs home. So we set up our kit, with these special needs people getting excited around us. I think there were about 5 in total, all with various mental ages below 12. We are all looking at each other wondering if this was a good idea, then just kicked off through our set.

The people loved it, and began to jump up and down, sway from side to side, dribble, shout, clap, and try and kiss us. We felt like we were in one flew over the cuckoos nest, but this was the best reaction we'd ever had, and as a consequence we played on, and whipped up by their reaction played the best we ever had.

In the end, her mother made us stop, because they were getting over excited and wouldn't do as they were told - rock n roll...

We packed up, played the gig the next day, were shit and split up.

posted by stu 5:54 PM | +

1.2.01

1st February

1587 Queen Elizabeth I of England signs the warrant authorising the execution of Mary Queen of Scots.

1790 First official meeting of the US Supreme Court.

1865 In America, the signing of the Bill to abolish slavery in the United States.

1893 American inventor Thomas Edison opens the world's first film studio in New Jersey.

1896 In the Greek-backed island of Crete, the start of a revolt against Turkey.

1896 In Turin, the first performance of Puccini's opera 'La Boheme'.

1899 The US flag is raised over the Pacific Island of Guam, formerly under Spanish control.

1908 King Carlos I of Portugal and the Crown Prince are murdered in Lisbon. Prince Manuel succeeds as King Manuel II.

1910 Britain opens its first Labour Exchange to help the unemployed find a job.

1924 Britain officially recognises the Communist-led government of the Soviet Union.

1930 In Britain, 'The Times' newspaper publishes its first crossword puzzle.

1949 The end of clothes rationing in Britain - four years after the end of World War II.

1958 Formation of the United Arab Republic with a union between Egypt and Syria. The agreement is broken in 1961.

1972 The British Embassy in Dublin is bombed as anti-British demonstrations sweep through Ireland.

1974 Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs, who escaped from prison in England in the 1960s, is arrested in Brazil.

1977 Official opening of the Pompidou Centre in Paris - designed by Richard Rogers and Renzo Piano.

1979 Religious leader Ayatollah Khomeini returns to Iran after 14 years' exile in France.

1983 TV-AM begins ITV breakfast television in Britain.

1989 'Guardian Angels' arrive in Britain from America - four US vigilantes set up branch in London to patrol the London Underground.

1992 US President George Bush and Russian President Boris Yeltsin sign the Camp David Declaration stating that Russia and the United States do not regard each other as potential adversaries.

2001 My 30th Birthday.

posted by stu 12:50 PM | +